woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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