Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
