Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
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