i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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