Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
