yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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