I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
