hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
