There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
