i was born a porn star she said
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
