highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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