Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
