I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
