I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
