I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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