The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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