So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
