Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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