Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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