In the future we'll all be gay
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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