So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
