dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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