grandma shit on top of the toilet
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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