I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?