Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie