I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower