Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
