God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better