put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old