I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.