im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You're like the curious george of whores
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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