I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
