got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
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A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
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I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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