I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize