well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
