It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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