is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
