hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
