I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
