Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
