I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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