i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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