i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
