textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
