He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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