The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
