Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
