Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
there is glitter all over my balls
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
