Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
