dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
