my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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