you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
