I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
