Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
