Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
