my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
