This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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