Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
