I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
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he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
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Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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