We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
