Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
