i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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