His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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