Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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