just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
it glows. i had to have it.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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