So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
