I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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