I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
