Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
